I'm Laughing At You Now

At first I allowed karma to get her. The shower head she was so adamant about not doing anything to destroyed her. We'd parted ways and when I came in there were soaked towels laying everywhere. My immediate reaction was to get all the towels replaced. I loved watching her attempt to speak neyorican to them. Thankfully, my grade school Spanish worked just fine without her. It tickled me to come back in the room with a tower of towels, trash emptied and ask if she needed more shampoo. I enjoyed killing her with kindness, showing her that she wasn't the purveyor of everything and laughing on the inside. As much as we we're not dealing with other we still had mutual interests. The few days we didn't share any it was pure joy to have to the quiet and privacy. She took her risks, I hibernated indoors and the separation was vital. We never knew where each others head was and for me that was invincibility. I chose when I didn't want to be bothered with her and she had to work to get rid of me.

The next day she decided to conquer that mountain as planned. We both got up, got ready for the day and silently dressed in the same room. I allowed her to believe I was trying to go with her somewhere but I had my own plans regardless. Once she was all sneakered up she revealed her plans. I was pretty nonchalant about my plans. I told her I was going to veg out, maybe leave, I didn't know yet - I mean it really wasn't for her to know. I left just after her and had breakfast at Dunkin Donuts, stopped by the mall, the grocery store and came back within a few hours. I was somewhat concerned when I went in the room and she wasn't there. She had left that morning in workout clothes with no water and no cell phone service. As much as I wanted her to fall off the side of the Earth I was worried. Of course she walked in shortly after all sweaty and elated. She was always taking these risks and I never knew when that phase started. We were never dare devils and I never heard any stories about her hang gliding, hiking or running a marathon. She barely survived primitive camping. I felt like there was no reason to make the climb. We'd both discovered there were several ways to reach the peak. She told me about a bus that would take you up. I even found out about a cable car that went with the admission to Alacazar. 

Her biggest beef was that she felt like I used her as my personal tour guide. She made digs about it when seeing tourist groups that did have paid guides. I guess it was really belittling to her to have me trailing behind her everywhere. The problem is most things we opted to do were mutual interests that we'd planned as friends. I guess she soon expected me to walk in an opposite direction or meet her at the said places. As much as she bitched about it she continued to "plan" our outings and in my opinion she was suited for that. She liked controlling things so much so that not even a day after her argument she planned yet another mutual outing. We woke up and she told me where we we're going. I had really wanted to go to a cultural center up the coast. They were showing some younger Spanish artists mostly watercolors and realist paintings for a very limited time. However, she refused to go anywhere that required public transportation so it was out of the question. She found something nearby instead that offered a broader selection. We got up fairly early and trekked to a pretty sketchy part of town. I was hungry and we passed so many places we could have sat down and ate. However, she was rushing and it was more acceptable for her to take pictures of whatever squalor and graffiti we encountered along the way. In some respects, I was thankful to continually stop for dimly lit photos because I could at least stop to breathe and eat the salt in the air. The CAC was really an excellent choice and I commended her for it. They had a major exhibit, it had air con and it was free entry. Once inside we lost each other fairly quickly and it was unintentional. She chose to rush through the exhibition and I really tried to savor the experience. Most of the pieces were installations and some were  interactive so I probably spent five to ten minutes on each piece. By the time I was done looking she was coming back to find me. She finally found a film room and I was pretty much done with those after France so I left her there. I sat just outside the door in the lobby checking Facebook, playing Candy Crush etc. She came out about ten minutes later and pretended to be looking for me. I observed her for a little while watching her panic as I had done so many times before. She looked a bit bug eyed and then she fumbled around in her bag, checked her non-working phone etc. I allowed her to do this for about ten minutes before I announced myself. She was extremely pissed off about it. At first she questioned had I seen her standing there and then it was about me leaving her in the gallery. She mentioned that over and over the remainder of the trip.

For the next few evenings we chose to be cordial and have dinner. We headed to the beach area and planned to go to our usual Mexican/Indian/Greek spot. We expected to have drinks and a light meal but things went south. I was really on edge because I'd only brought 20 Euros with me and I really wanted to eat cheap and just go back to the hotel. All of a sudden I'd ordered a margarita and it was absolutely gross. First, I stuck my fat lips directly on the salt rimmed glass which was over salted and most had fallen into the drink itself making it intolerable. I tried to be reasonable about it attempting to order a beer but they were out. So I settled on a Coke versus some other fruity drink I didn't want. The waiter didn't like this and tried to make us both out to be ignorant Americans. I'm not sure if he was trying to say we didn't understand the making of the drink or that we were wrong in not accepting another at the same cost. At some point she grew tired of his snide remarks and reeled him in. She also explained how she had eaten there the other night and felt duped. We'd ordered hummus and she said her hummus was white in color the other night. I was deep into my Greek salad and she claimed that it looked like my tzatziki sauce. The irony was if I would have been there I would have known the difference. Now she was sending back my drinks knowing I wouldn't have said a word otherwise. She was actually defending me and I couldn't believe it.

The following day we had a rather pretentious beach trip. She did this weird thing with her hair and began to prance around like some diva. So while on the actual beach we pretty much ignored each other. Once back at the hotel we cleaned up and went back out for dinner nearest to the hotel. We settled on a Michelin starred restaurant across from a high end dessert cafe. We shared a gigantic bottle of wine and rightfully so because the wine list was well-rounded yet cheap. We then walked inside to pay the check and she randomly apologized. She thanked me for putting up with her and said how much she wanted me to be there. I realized it was the wine talking and what she truly meant was thank you for being able to read the wine list and choose accordingly. I never said I accepted the said apology. I don't even remember smiling. Less than 24hrs later she was back to her normal self. We had several excursions where she just appeared to be bothered and I rode with it. We had a trip to a old bull ring where I avoided her. We had lunch on the beach where I took about an hour to eat an entire fish while she devoured an avocado filled with shrimp and mayonnaise before I could dress my salad. We attended a few more museums. We even went to that mountain together and she tolerated me until I couldn't take the height anymore. I made sure to show her the cost of the cable car so she could see how she risked her life over a few Euros. Our last day we shared an excruciating journey to a laundromat where a hunt for soap lead me to buy smalls of rum. I realized if and when she bothered me I could just pull them out and change the mood. So we ended the day on the beach with spiked slushies, a decent seaside dinner, girly beers and ice cream in the shopping district.

What tickled me the most was a final shopping trip where she bought several items to return home with. She opted to buy a winter coat, a dress and a huge weekender bag. I encouraged this shopping because if she was set on returning to NYC she would need the coat. The dress was more or less an impulse that she pinned over in the store. At some point, she actually ran off from the dressing room to vomit. I'm not sure if it was sun exposure, not eating, actually eating or the reality that she was shopping alongside of me with the money she claimed I deprived her of. Thankfully, she found that bag; big enough to put all her shit in because as she accumulated stuff her suitcase wasn't cutting it. When we returned to the hotel she strategized her packing and then took a pair of sewing scissors to her new items to ensure no frays once back home. I couldn't be mad if the shoe was on the other foot I would have bought meaningless crap as well. However, I'd opted to eat a wonderful hamburgesa as the tide came in and watched her peck at fries. When leaving Malaga I stopped and had breakfast in that awesome train station. So while I was drinking a Spanish coffee and Instagramming a lovely donut she asked when they would be serving eggs. The ladies explained that there was a larger Dunkin above opening in about twenty minutes. I didn't tell her that eggs were like a " foreign"concept even at Dunkin. She soon returned mislead by her own people and realized it was jamon and tomato or hunger. I believe she chose hunger and I started snacking on Baybel cheese I'd smuggled in my pockets. She sat there trying to keep her top heavy suitcase and new body bag from falling. I think at one point it did fall and I didn't flinch. The reality is after Malaga I was always laughing on the inside. If I didn't have alcohol to sway her into being likable I simply observed her and stayed glued to iMessage. The funniest thing of all is … I'm still laughing.

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