A Year In Review

We come full circle.

I Got Hired!

All my life I've wondered what it was like to be Tess McGill. I would just be a brown version of her with a huskier voice. I would be like my mother in a hosiery club for office decency. I expected to be in a corner office and wave to passerbys. Maybe I could be Mary Jane Paul when she's writing. I too could have a desk drawer with a fifth of vodka. There would be some snarling old man of a boss growling about my presence. I'd be so well-dressed and articulate. I'd be chosen for teams and put on big projects. I'd be able to lean in at the boardroom meeting.  

Nope.

I work in an office with three other girls. The only guests we have are people from IT. 
I am the girl caged by a cherry wood desk.
I am that girl.

It doesn't matter where I went to school because we all did. It doesn't matter who is proficient in Office because we all have foggy moments in Excel. It is fucking freezing. The water cooler is always broken. Someone uses the conference room for working out. There is a plethora of mean girls who dress like B movie actresses. I take my work home with me every single day. I dream in spreadsheets. My boss is drop dead gorgeous and is the epitome of pure evil. She doesn't deny it either. The evil that is. 

I applied to make coffee. I now specialize in severed limbs. On a good day I'll do my hair and put on heels. Most days I am rolling out of bed. If I didn't have time to make a salad I'll scavenge the complimentary snack basket or order Chinese with the masses. No one uses Square because cash is more trustworthy. I can listen to Pandora with one ear bud. I get yelled at 2.3 times a week for things completely out of my control. Email is a more public form of accountability. I caught someone looking at porn in a cubicle my first week. Yes, office life is everything I thought it would be.

Pffft.

What I Learned Cont'd - The Things… Italy and All Its Parts

Italy was the one flawless destination in our trip. It seemed free of problems and hiccups. Everything just fell into place. We'd wake up each morning with a plan (even when going separate ways). If anything began to unravel there was always a dreamlike free fall but I would be caught. There was always someone or something to catch me. I was never startled. I was never stirred. I would just stumble into things - many times alone, unprepared and angry. Then wherever I was or whoever was there settled me. What baffles me is there was so much more we both intended to see. We had hoped to visit four or five cities. We had hoped to see the water. Instead we chose the landlocked cities of Rome and Florence. Rome being a popular tourist destination. Florence being ideal for leaving. Most of the time we were seeing and doing our own thing. We also didn't seem to share our experiences anymore. In the company of each other we were silent. Apart I'll assume we both had our own internal thoughts. I always wondered did solitude make Italy more rewarding? Or did going most of it alone make it less of a dream? Either way this was my lost stop - happy ending or not.

The Things… Spain and All Its Parts

Is it being fair to Spain to say I didn't learn anything? At least I didn't learn anything relative to the country. I had already considered myself an honorary Spaniard. I mean this wasn't some fly by night fad like notion. No, as a very young child I loved to proclaim that I was a Spanish-Moorish empress. I loved to state it whenever my mother threatened to do my hair. My theory was that I lived a lavish and rather short life. I knew I had been beheaded at the throne. Therefore, things were cut short for me … no pun intended. I told both of my parents this lap style bend your neck and head down hair styling was not for me. I'd already been traumatized in a past life with that awful beheading. Of course, no one took me seriously but I probably scared them a little bit. So now I wonder have I navigated life avoiding polos and neck massages because of my child theories or a real connection to the monarchy. I guess that was one thing I did learn … Spain has a royal family. Oh the things we think we know but we don't and the things we are born with. 

The Things… Nantes

Having been in Nantes just under a month I've already said a lot. Despite all that happened my loyalty lies with Nantes. It always will. There I learned the most about life and people. Nantes is where I learned the most about myself. I'm sure some will believe this learning process came from disappointment. Maybe others will believe it came from some sort of French "enlightenment". I actually learned the most from just being there. From sitting on the trams and looking out the windows. From going into the bakery and watching what the children got. From walking around the grocery store looking for Splenda which doesn't exist. From sitting out on my hotel balcony listening to Kanye West's "I'm In It". Nantes was a period of isolation, self-realization … and awakening. 

The Things… Paris (All Three Times)

Paris the city of lights, romance and love. That is all I went into Paris knowing. Oh and that of "Inception" where the the Haussman buildings fold together in dreams. I had awareness of the Seine and The Eiffel Tower. I knew of macarons and croissants. Chanel and Hermes. That is all. And I am not alone in my sheer ignorance of Paris or France in general. I guess one is fueled by the image of the Paris skyline with the Eiffel Tower in the distance and then the artsy fartsy drawing of the cafes and can-can dancers. Then there is the storybook illustration of lone castles with secret gardens and the French provinces with cobblestoned streets and fields of lavender. Why is France so far from these pictures in my mind? I cannot explain how and why. All I can do is encourage a trip to see nothing is as it seems. For even I have three different experiences in Paris.

The Things… London

I had to miss London to get home when I wanted to. We had planned to leave Italy by way of France, stay in Nantes for a bit while collecting our things, get back to London through Belgium and spend a week in Londontown before flying out. She'd already bought her return flight tickets so she had to go back through London. I didn't. The reality is I found out that London was not the only port of call to Europe proper. I assumed as much coming over because of the accessibility and price. However, it is much easier to just fly to and from wherever you really want to be. I could have just gone straight to France versus ran for my life through London to take a long train through the English Channel to Paris. The UK is just the closest land after crossing the pond but far removed from the rest of Europe. This is why I chose two flights from Paris and Iceland to get back home. Either way, she'd already spent a week in London and was to show me around before we both traveled home. So I missed that and I think it was a broken promise anyways. So here is London for me in a nutshell. Please note this is London on a three hour mad dash to the Eurostar train via St Pancras station

An Introduction To The Things I Learned...

Someone recently told me that my blog had talked them out of Europe. Now this was just a mild comment not some debate over anything but it sort of stung. This person did elaborate and the reasoning was funny but I really had to reflect on the general conclusion. How could I have made someone think like this? I had hoped that people would be driven to go overseas. Did I sort of ruin what Europe has to offer? I guess in reading my chronicles of traveling hiccups, food quandaries and the ultimate demise of a friendship (that may have thrived stateside) - I wouldn't want to go either! The reality is even with the outcome of all of this … I still really want to go back to Europe! I still want to live in Europe! The priority remains even after the travel, the plethora of shitty expat advice and the reality that it could take up to ten years to move … legally. I guess I hadn't gotten to a point of surmising my trip and perhaps I never will. I mean that is not the point of this blog. As mentioned, I'm recalling what happened, giving you decent advice for your travel and hope to be a resource for travelers and expats alike. This is all just the beginning of an extensive journey to a permanent life change. I know that was my first trip abroad, to Europe and it wasn't the greatest expedition. However, it wasn't a bad introduction either. There is still a lot more of the world to see. I still need to hone my traveling skills and after that I could wind up virtually anywhere. For now, I owe you some explanation.