I was fired a week and two days ago. I have never been fired or let go from a job before. I don't know exactly how to process everything. I was also not given a reason for my firing so I cannot hold myself responsible. I have grappled with the reasons why I may have been fired which makes me wonder about my purpose. I thought that I would be consumed by this and the opposite has happened. I feel free. I have come to several conclusions on my own but I am still waiting for a response. I hope that someone will validate my feelings or tell me where to go. Today I figured I really don't have to wait anymore.
I've been telling myself I cannot wait until this year ends. I like to think of 2013 as bad but necessary. 2014 though was just really uncalled for. This has been a rotten year and I cannot wait for it to end. I am open to a new year, with new beginnings and new faces & places. I've been a nomad for far too long. It will be so amazing to just put my feet on the ground and make a home even if it's temporary. Today I got out of the shower, I managed my ordinary routine, my new normal and I just imagined what could be. I wouldn't have to navigate this life. There will be a place for me and my things and it will all feel right. Seriously, as much as I try to commit to this, my everyday, it just doesn't feel like mine. This is what not having a home feels like. I'm out of suitcase. I am surrounded by boxes. I am collecting a life I yearn to live. I just want some place to put it all. There is no shame in admitting how much I need that.
