Fast Forward To Now: Why I Stopped Blogging and Learned My "Place" In The World

So as you can see I took a long hiatus from my continuous photographic memoir of this summer. There are three reasons as to why. I would like to put them in no necessary order but then that would decrease the seriousness as to why I stopped blogging. So there is a main reason, a minor one and then something I can and will get fixed.


My mother was diagnosed with cancer. 

This pretty much put a grinding halt on anything remotely normal. Life as it was has changed, flipped, reversed, slowed and escalated all at the same damn time. We have gone through several states of prognosis which has been very traumatic. We are also going through treatment which is daily. The treatment is taking a toll on both of us. My mother once very vibrant in her own little way has now transformed into another person. She looks as if she lost ten to twenty years of her life. Once a very quiet and unemotional person she is now very open about her feelings and regrets. Only now does this woman want to travel and eat. This comes two months into chemo, radiation and a thirty pound weight loss. For me it has changed my overall opinion of my mother and her side of the family. I am her sole caregiver and not once has anyone done any of the "dirty" work. Surely, they attempt to call and come by but that isn't enough. My summer was all about me and learning to take care of me. In essence, all the running around and driving and working was getting to me. Now I do what I said I would never do again. I run around with my mom which requires me to drive hours everyday and I'm also working but I do it for her.

So two…

I got a job. I didn't get a normal 9 to 5. I honestly didn't even get a part time per se. I took a job as a day laborer of sorts. I do visuals and stock at a closing retail department store. The store will eventually move into a bigger and better location. So the irony in all of it is I'm not really doing much visual work and stocking in a liquidating store. I more of less move stuff around and attempt to make it pretty. I take Mondays off for my mother and I have my weekends. I make less than what I made in high school. The money I make I turn it right back into my friends. This sounds funny but I simply work to give. I have no rent to pay. My mother can no longer eat (she has a feeding tube and a pump) so I hardly buy groceries. Thankfully, donations and charitable organizations have footed much of her bills and gas for the car. When I get paid I immediately send what I can to those who sent what they could while I was abroad. At times, this money is completely unexpected and a surprise reminder of their generosity. This is also the first Christmas where it isn't about me. I can actually afford to buy for others. I also get worlds greatest discount on things already on sale. This makes me incredibly happy. Words cannot describe how fulfilling it is to just be good to people - especially those who have been incredibly good to me.

Three (the fixable yet time consuming thing)

My computer has been acting up. I have never had this happen before so it is frustrating. Having worked in the field of computing it pains me to admit defeat. I simply do not know how to fix the problem I have been having. I know, I know - isn't this all internet based and how could that affect my blogging?! Well, I have been trying to be visual. I really want to post imagery and be a little more hands on. My damn computer will not allow me to post images and other assets that are on my hard drive. So I cannot post things unless I work very hard to do so. This problem has me on edge because I am away from "home" and I don't have all the tools I need to fix it. I also have a lot of data, all of my media from Europe and a ton of music/movies which are bogging this poor lil laptop. I just fear this little thing can turn into an even bigger one and I wil lose stuff. Now again I repeat I am no novice when it comes to this so I should know how to protect my media. I've been lazy. I've been extremely lazy. With all of the above I'm the last person on my list of to dos. I vow to go research stuff today and get my problem solved!

So yeah mom is very sick. I tend to her in between my random work schedule. I am working on making everyone else happy which is daunting but worth it. For most of you you won't notice a break in my writing. Everything is past tense anyways and I'm simply recalling and editing … memories. I don't think anyone is looking for some chronological log of everything happening - that would be utterly boring. I'd rather you read a bit, utilize me and go travel! Seriously, that is the best outcome of all of the above. With everything that has happened I have a zillion opportunities. She will get better. I am still technically jobless. I'm still living out of my suitcase over here! We can and will travel!

P.S. I also have Orange-France phone credits that expire in April 2014 - so I have no choice but to go. With that being said - next stop - communication abroad!

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