Bebidas Buddy System

I dare anyone to go to Spain and not drink. I bet serious money that it will be impossible. You may involuntarily consume vermouth soaked olives or sherry bathed shrimp. I'm not saying you will get drunk and wind up in jail. I'm just saying you won't be able to avoid the temptation and allure of the Torres winery. Cruz Campos on tap. Shandy on the beach. I would even be as bold to say a non-soda drinker would be screwed. There will be days so hot the stores are out of bottled water but the Coke is ice cold. So is the Fanta and the Postabon. In my case, I'd been advised. I took an oath. I forgot the advice. I broke the oath. This while in the company of someone who was supposed to deter me from my faults. 

Friends are supposed to stop you when you're wrong. I don't know what I was thinking. How could I even ask someone without proper impulse control to keep a three generation both sides of the fam destined to be alcoholic away from the poison?

I was advised by my doctor to stop drinking years ago. I didn't start drinking until late believing that would lessen my chances. I am no alcoholic but I have an affinity to fine wine, neat whiskey and craft beer. So when my doctor told me my liver was "fat" I really made a effort to put the beer down. I think I lasted a month but the risk was now forefront. Besides I now had a roommate with a child and it didn't seem appropriate to down a six pack after a long days work with her son right there. We kept a bar though. I've always kept an extensive bar even when I didn't drink. At one point I even failed noticing people were stealing entire bottles from my apartment. I once dated an alcoholic and at times work/life balance got hard so it wasn't anything for me to partake in a drink or two. When I traced my roots and found a connection to both the Irish and the Scots I declared myself a bonafide drinker. I also made sure to have my own supply always on hand. I switched my drinking preferences from rarely/socially to regularly/often. I became the girl with a flask and knowledge for all the finer things. In moderation and in company, I was failsafe. My roommate would indulge me in the occasional girls night concoction or share a bottle of moscato but beer was my own problem. There was no point in buying a case to waste 3/4 of it to evaporation in the crisper drawer. So when out I stuck to the low calorie stuff with a Maker's Mark chaser.

Before Europe my physical faired better but with other stupid news. No more tea either. My herbal and sweet tea addiction had blocked my iron absorption and my anemia was killing me. The plan was to avoid all of the above. So now to drink anything outside of water was a luxury. I'm no drunk but I made sure to binge for the important days like St.Patties and Cinco De Mayo. Even then I fasted up to those days and kept to a two drink minimum. So now my tolerance level has changed. I find myself unable to drive after two margaritas at Chili's. I didn't get mad that she came over and wasted a perfectly good $20 bottle of Riesling talking about  her "problems". Now I was more angry that I couldn't have my Venti green tea. I became an advocate for water. I now bought cases of Aqua Nepi mineral water and carried a Contingo. Whatever wine I failed to consume I put in the ragu sauce or poured down the drain. I even sold the wine chiller on Craigslist. 

Then came Europe. Where my good habits lasted all of fifteen hours. A wheat beer for my birthday. A long island tea next day. Rose Violet herbal tea in the morning. Hoegarden in a champagne bottle not even a week in. She began this lets go to dinner and Ill consume a liter of wine all by myself. She would then ramble on and on implying the potency was beyond words. So I avoided French wine. Of course I had a few dentist rinse sized cups in the company of friends. I just preferred the aged fourteen year whiskey and 7 Euro mixologist drinks at the discotheque. I don't know if she noticed but I did ask that all good things come to an end. I begged her to keep me on an aqua only regimen while in Spain. Yeah before we even hit the border I was affluent in catalan speak for the proper wines. The bottled water on the train sucked. So did the tap water in the hotel. Spain had a variety of bottled water. They even had water in a can. Barcelona had their Olympian worthy water in a can with a little foil top. So while at Nostrum she opted for that to be "fancy". She sipped and looked confused. She then got something else to drink. So I tasted it. Vichy Catalan tasted like stagnant pool water. Vichy Catalan IS the official olympic water for Spanish athletes. Vichy Catalan IS available on high end water flights by water sommeliers. I can't make this up. 

So Torres wine became my … well. So was special draft Peroni. Moritz on tap. As we moved through Spain it all just became so readily available and cheaper. 5 Euro beach drinks with real coconut complete with a fruit salad for a garnish.1.50 Euro Shandy. 1.50 Euro smalls of rum. 25 cent on tap Cruz Campos in huge frosty mugs. Faustino. Marqués de Cáceres. Most days we'd make an effort to buy bottled water. There would be no water or really shitty water. An aisle over the good stuff was plentiful. I could take one bottle out a pack. A couple of cans. Mini bottles of wine rivaling bottled Coke. Big bottles of wine for the price of mini bottles of wine. A bottle opener on the mini bar and heavy high-balls for mouth washing in the bathrooms. 12 Euro rose on a wine list considered the best by Michelin standards. In all of this I avoided the casks. I only had complimentary cava. I forgot about the sherry. There were never any shots. Only one martini. One pina colada. I can't remember the amount of limon Cokes or little slushy cups I had to and from the beach. I only spiked them once. I think I even spiked my gazpacho. At one point I smuggled gratis juice to the room and sipped that with smalls. I brought my own wine on the train which I equated to drinking a 40 on the city bus. Sometimes I bought wine I didn't even like just to keep her rambling and off my dick. It sounds awful but I really tried to keep her tipsy. She reciprocated with making me highly mugs of tea so I would stop talking and actually go to bed at a decent hour. If it were swimming lessons, one of us let go and one of us drowned. Nothing worked in Spain not even the buddy system.

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